Arm yourself: video game weapons

Every gamer has their preferred weapon of choice. There are those who like to stand back and pick off their enemies with a bow; thos who prefer to get stuck into the action and go head-to-head with a sword; and others who’d rather have the protection of a giant gun. Then there are the people who’d choose Saints Row’s Dildo Bat over anything else.

The gorgeous Shelby from Falcon Game Reviews very kindly nominated Later Levels for the Mystery Blogger award last month, and one of the questions put to his nominees stood out for me: what is your favourite video game weapon (realistic or ridiculous)? This post is dedicated to him and features some of the tools I’ve enjoyed wielding, in no particular order.

Root beer from The Secret of Monkey Island

I know some of you are thinking this is a predictable choice given that Monkey Island has featured in several of my posts recently, but come on: root beer as a weapon is awesome! It’s known among voodoo practitioners to be a powerful tool against ghosts – but perhaps the real reason LeChuck exploded into a firework display when sprayed with the stuff is because it tastes simply awful. Who knows?

Tearblast arrows from Horizon Zero Dawn

I’ve been playing a lot of Horizon Zero Dawn lately and my favourite weapon from the game has to be the tearblast arrows. Grazers are hardly a formidable nemesis, but let me document how a typical battle goes:

– Me: “Oh look, a herd of Grazers.”
– Aloy: *lines up a tearblast arrow and aims for a blaze canister*
– Tearblast arrow: “Bwaaaaaahp!”
– Grazer: “What the hell was that?”
– Tearblast arrow: “BOOM!”
– Aloy: *runs*
– Me: *giggles*

Keyboard from The Typing of the Dead: Overkill

My gaming guilty pleasure has got to be The Typing of the Dead: Overkill by Modern Dream. There’s something surreal and perversely satisfying about frantically typing phrases such as ‘udderly delightful’ and ‘sirloin surprise’ in order to fire your gun at a mutated cow with a cleaver called Meat Katie. If only the same weapon would work against my boss when I’m in the office and he won’t leave me alone.

Your child in Dad Quest

If you’re a fan of platformers and retro graphics but haven’t yet checked out Dad Quest by Sundae Month, head over to Steam Early Access right now. This game features one of the most unique yet obvious weapons: your own child! Level up to equip them with devastating attacks such as piercing throw and shank, and those pesky pigeons and purple hedgehogs won’t be able to stand in your way.

Calculator from The Longest Journey

When April O’Ryan finds herself up against the evil alchemist Roper Klacks in his floating castle, she uses the only weapon able to stop him: that’s right, a calculator. A device of logic in a magical realm holds more power than any of us can imagine and Klacks is sucked into the screen after playing with the buttons. If that’s punishment for using it to spell rude words using numbers, then school children everywhere had better watch out.

Wrench from BioShock

The wrench the only melee weapon in BioShock and has the highest damage per second of any weapon in the game. That’s not the only reason it’s awesome though: I love the fact it’s completely fitting for its environment. Maybe this symbol of the working class was left behind by a fleeing worker who was disillusioned with Andrew Ryan’s oppressive rule, before the Rapture erupted with civil conflict and the place descended into a state of anarchy.

Trico from The Last Guardian

The fluffiest – and definitely largest – weapon on my list, Trico is a giant griffin-like creature who joins you on your journey through The Last Guardian. He may behave like a domesticated animal and therefore not always do as he’s told, but he defends you every step of the way: every time the armoured knights come to drag you through their misted doors, he’s there to stomp and crush them to pieces. I’d really like a Trico… although I’m not sure where I’d keep him or if I could afford the food bill.

A big thank you to Shelby for the Mystery Blogger nomination – receiving an award from a site like Falcon Game Reviews is extremely humbling! What’s your favourite weapon from a video game?