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Your next career: the ‘best’ jobs in video games

In a recent trial at the University of Glasgow, it was found that playing video games could help improve your employability. Undergraduates studying arts as humanities subjects were asked to play under controlled conditions and gaming was shown to help them gain ‘graduate attributes’ such as communication skills, resourcefulness and adaptability, in a relatively short amount of time. Bonus!

So it turns out that our parents have been wrong all these years: the time spent with our controllers wasn’t a ‘waste’ and it has in fact been helping us secure the best and brightest jobs for our futures. So what careers do we have to look forward to?

Vacancy: Merchant

We’re looking for an experienced salesperson to join our team of qualified Merchants throughout the beautiful land of Hyrule. Your goal will be to maintain customer satisfaction to the highest level and ensure our clients are provided with only the finest goods that rupees can buy.

Your primary responsibility will be serving customers – well, customer – ok, that weird blond kid with the sword. Accounts will need to be balanced and hexagonal gemstones banked on a daily basis; and the handling of flammable goods such as bombs and lamp oils must be undertaken in line with all current health-and-safety legislation.

Requirements:

  • Experience of working in a customer services environment
  • Stock-management skills
  • Willingness to trade in an area constantly threatened by the reincarnation of evil
  • To register your interest, please apply to the Royal Family of Hyrule – by appointment only.


    Vacancy: Archaeologst

    A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity has arisen for a gifted Archaeologist to join us on our upcoming expedition to an exotic island in the middle-of-nowhere. No experience is necessary and training will be provided on the job; however, you must be willing to provide your own equipment.

    The successful candidate will be expected scale tombs, ruins and associated risks in their search for ancient relics and buried treasures. Setting up camp will be a regular requirement of this position, as is the healing of stab wounds, gun shots and injuries from bear-traps.

    Requirements:

  • Flexibility to travel to countries across the world
  • Quick-thinking, with ability to remain calm under pressure
  • Able to adapt to unexpected reductions in team size
  • Please contact Winston Smith in writing at The Fridge, Croft Manor, Surrey, England.


    Vacancy: Mechanic

    Los Santos Customs is looking for a talented Mechanic to join our crew. You will be responsible for overseeing the repair of all vehicles deposited in the garage and delivering these to our clients at any location, although you may be ‘otherwise occupied’ at certain periods during your day.

    This role comes with serious risk but a steady salary will be provided to compensate. Please note that we are an equal-opportunities employer, willing to consider those under a wanted-level; however, we’re unable to accept applications from individuals with police associations at this time.

    Requirements:

  • Automotive Maintenance and Repair NVQ
  • Ability to quickly grasp new vehicle technologies
  • Prepared to accept risk and provide own bullet-proof vest
  • Please hand your CV and covering letter into the garage between 9am and 5pm, Monday to Saturday.


    Vacancy: Plumber

    An experienced Plumber is required for a long-term contract in the Mushroom Kingdom. We’re looking for a new addition to our customer-focused team as we provide all aspects of support to residents throughout the land, keeping their pipes free of unwanted debris and dangerous vegetation.

    Hours are flexible although the person in this role will be expected to attend to call-outs in other dimensions where there is risk of hazardous reptilian infestation. Other duties as required will be assigned by line management; and a company van and uniform will be provided.

    Requirements:

  • Level 2 Diploma in Domestic Plumbing and Heating
  • Willingness to take on duties outside of normal role
  • Please note: candidates with an allergy to fungi should not apply for this position
  • Interested parties should speak to Princess Peach at another castle to arrange an interview.


    Vacancy: Dancer

    A well-known, busy nightclub in the centre of the Citadel is recruiting for full- or part-time Dancers. With a ‘lively’ atmosphere supported by music provided by only the ‘best’ DJs, we provide excellent working conditions on a good starting salary with plenty of tips.

    Successful applicants will be responsible for providing visual entertainment and charming our exclusive clientele in between their business meetings. Matters of a confidential nature in connection with national security are regularly discussed by our patrons and as such, a sense of discretion is of the utmost importance.

    Requirements:

  • Friendly, well-presented, with a love of working in public
  • Continuous sense of rhythm regardless of beat
  • Plenty of stamina – employees a required to move non-stop for a minimum of 10 hours
  • Auditions can be arranged by contacting either Doran or Rita at dance@fluxnightclub.me.


    15 thoughts on “Your next career: the ‘best’ jobs in video games

    1. I would totally enjoy seeing an advert that’s recruiting “Bad Dudes!” It could be 80’s-tastic insanity. Gruff over-the-top voice shouting: “Are you bad enough to be a Bad Duuuude, dude!?”

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Oh man, the synth-pop retro sound will be pummeling the audience’s earbuds with airbrushed ‘graffix’ inspiring gobs of nostalgia into the hearts and minds of those of us who can still remember surviving the clouds of aqua-net and action flick one-liners. It would almost be enough to make one want to grow a mullet and start googling for Hypercolor shirts!

          Like

        1. Ha, thanks! And yeah, I’ll skip out on dancing. My body says heeellll nooooo to dancing all day, lol. I wouldn’t mind the merchant one though, as long as I only had one customer to deal with all day. That sounds halfways decent!

          Like

          1. As long as you don’t mind the high insurance premiums that come from trading in an area constantly invaded by the forces of evil. But hey, with only one customer you can sit in the back all day and play video games.

            Liked by 1 person

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