The Secret of Monkey Island, video game, map, Tri-Island Area, islands, skull, swords, pirate

Monkey business (a QotM answer)

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JOB DESCRIPTION: TRI-ISLAND AREA GOVERNOR

About the company:

Here in the Tri-Island Area, we believe that piracy isn’t a career choice: it’s a way of life favoured by many salty seadogs. Our departments work hard to deliver a world-class service, immoral support and a range of pillaging opportunities to ensure our place as one of the most desired destinations for buccaneers all over the Caribbean.

With thought-leading Important-Looking-Pirates and dynamic learning solutions, we empower those seeking to take the first step on their violent voyage by offering a transformational experience to broaden their operational knowledge and global mindset. As well as preparing cutthroats of the future for the Three Trials, we run professional development courses for aspiring captains to help identify the strategic direction of their ships.

With the ocean in our hearts and the wind in our hair, we draw inspiration from the high-seas to attract a diverse range of deckhands, creating an abundance of opportunities to network with industry experts and motley crews worldwide.

About the department:

The Tri-Island Area’s Governors Office (TIAGO) oversees Mêlée, Booty and Plunder Islands, providing strategic, administrative, information, customer and assurance services from our primary location deep in the Caribbean.

Within TIAGO, we spend a lot of our time building relationships with pirates, demonic skulls and cannibals alike, trying to truly understand their goals and how we can best serve those needs. We respond rapidly to changing requirements, continuously asses our inventory for the best opportunities, and ultimately challenge ourselves and those around us to be the very best crew we can be.

We have a team of scalawags who support the whole community in their use of the nautical services we provide. In addition, we establish appropriate policies to ensure the Islands are compliant with all contractual and regulatory requirements, and our shores are kept safe from invading zombie pirates and three-headed monkeys.

About the role:

The Tri-Island Area Governor has overall responsibility for all three Islands, although they will have some influence in a number of other locations throughout the Caribbean. The role involves daily contact with our constituents, inspiring them to fulfil their pirating potential and fully open their emotional treasure chests.

Key areas of accountability:

  • Leading continuing investigations into Monkey Island with a view to discovering the location’s secret by the financial year 2020
  • Vetting all proposed sword-fighting insults for consistency, relevance and humour while avoiding undue bovine discrimination
  • Continuous improvement of the Thievery Trial to achieve maximum confusion and learning benefits for wannabe pirates
  • Responsibility for the regulation of voodoo magic use throughout the Tri-Island Area, and adherence to the relevant health-and-safety guidelines
  • Formulating plans to escape and defeat zombie pirates with continual oversight of the emotional wellbeing of junior buccaneers
  • Coordinating the Tri-Island Area’s grog production and exports, extending business reach while maintaining recipe confidentiality
  • Ongoing non-conformance to the damsel-in-distress stereotype and advocacy of equal opportunities for all pirates across the Caribbean
  • Ensuring policies and procedures are in place across TIAGO and the entire Tri-Island Area, to aid and drive pirating excellence
  • Qualifications and experience required:

  • The Three Trials Certification (distinction preferred, grade A minimum)
  • Previous gubernatorial experience, preferably gained in a piracy or other nautical environment
  • A positive leader with excellent interpersonal and communication skills, able to manage conflict and see the ‘big picture’
  • Must be driven and passionate about providing better solutions and support to pirates at all stages throughout their career
  • A competent user of compasses and treasure maps, able to captain their own ship and crew while effectively managing an inventory
  • Proficient in personal combat and battle strategy, able to adopt a ‘common sense’ approach and stay composed under pressure
  • Resources and benefits:

  • Personal use of the Governors Mansion
  • Monthly personal allowance (250 pieces of eight)
  • A pack of piranha poodles
  • A tremendous dangerous-looking yak
  • 50% discount at Stan’s Previously Owned Vessels
  • Annual cannon servicing plan

  • 8 thoughts on “Monkey business (a QotM answer)

    1. Rofl! This is brilliant! Absolutely love your use of the words ‘common sense’ and ‘big picture’! Sounds like this would be a really good fit for you 😛

      Like

      1. Who’d have thought that all that business writing I do at work would come in so handy? Still kicking myself over not including a rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle as part of the benefits though…

        Liked by 2 people

        1. I was thinking the whole time “there’s no way she hasn’t done this for work before.” This is excellent!

          Like

      1. I keep telling myself that one day, I’m going to do a Monkey Island marathon stream and get as far as I can through the series in 24-hours or something like that… 🐒

        Liked by 1 person

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