I may have already written a response post to a very kind Sunshine Blogger Award from Ian over at Adventure Rules in response to his question about endings and beginnings. But he asked another one of his nominees that deserves some consideration: which magical item or technological marvel from a video game would you use for completely selfish purposes in real life?
Ian himself said he’d choose the Ocarina of Time from The Legend of Zelda for several very good reasons. He’d be able to teleport to work so he could sleep in then make the day go faster to get home sooner; and as I’m sure many other parents could appreciate, hold the ability to instantly put his son to sleep whenever he needed a nap. This got me wondering which items other bloggers would pick – so it’s time for a little collaboration article!
“The first item I thought of was the hidden blade from Assassin’s Creed for some reason. Probably just because it looks cool. But then I actually thought about what it would be like in real life and I quickly realised that having a hidden blade would be a terrible idea. I’m sure it would keep going off at inopportune moments. I could easily see myself spearing the toaster by accident while making breakfast, or gouging a hole in the sofa as I reached for a cup of tea.
“But then I thought of something that would be really useful – a Pokéball. Granted, there aren’t many Pokémon in Darlington, but the physics-defying properties of these seemingly magical balls would be useful in all sorts of other ways. I’m presuming that they’re able to suck in things other than Pokémon, in which case they could have all sorts of uses. Struggling to move house? No worries, just suck the sofa into a Pokéball and spit it out in your new house. Can’t afford two tickets to a concert? Easy, just capture your friend or spouse and then extrude them again once you’re safely inside the gig. The possibilities are endless.”
“… and up next we have a very special item; Link’s Radiant Armour from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Yes, this item has freshly been shipped into our warehouses directly from the Gerudo Town Secret Club and until this moment was exclusive to that location, but can now be yours for the low price of two-thousand, four hundred rupees and of course the nine luminous stones required to produce this dazzling and classy effect. So let’s take a look at it in action!
“As you can see this is clearly evening wear with the glowing skeleton motif being visible only in the hours of darkness. I guarantee that from the moment that you slide this form hugging ensemble on you will feel compelled to bring mischief and mayhem to any and all settlements on your route. The anonymity afforded from the hood and the playful yet far fetched visage of a glowing skeleton climbing over rooftops, looting chests, and cooking fried wild greens will undoubtedly aid you in remaining both anonymous and mythical. That’s not all, order now by calling the onscreen number and we will enchant the item to afford the wearer an extra level or stealth! So what are you waiting for, call in now for the finest costume available in the Hyrule region!”
“I would love my very own Navigator’s Head from The Secret of Monkey Island. Navigation isn’t my strong point, so I would find it very handy as my own, personal GPS system for getting around. Not sure what street to turn down? Simply check which way the head is pointing. No more relying on having a fully-charged phone with internet connection – as long as I’ve got my head, I’m sorted.
“Of course I’d have to carry it around in a Sainsbury’s bag or something, so not to alarm people. And when I’m not using it I’d display it in a cabinet and tell people it’s an artefact from pirate history. It’d make a nice alternative to a pumpkin at Halloween – and no, it’s not watching you as you walk down the driveway, you’ve just had too much punch.”
“If I could choose any item from a video game to have in real life it would have to be a Chocobo from the Final Fantasy series. Strictly speaking this is a bird, not an item, but I don’t just want it as a pet. They have practical uses too.
“As someone who doesn’t drive, having a Chocobo would allow me to get around town easily without wearing through shoes or getting squished using public transport. It would also allow me to travel out of town. I live pretty near some really beautiful places, but at the moment it is difficult to get to them because of things like rivers, mountains, lochs and other forms of wilderness. Some Chocobos however can cross rivers and climb mountains and even cross seas, which would really open up the world. Whilst out exploring they also have an uncanny ability to find treasure, so it would be good for my bank balance too.
“When travelling in these inhospitable environments it is possible that we might meet scary creatures like lions or bears, but a Chocobo would come in handy here too, as some of them will actually help you out in battle. Finally though, as I said at the start, they are not just items; they are also wonderful companion animals and if I had one I think it would be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
Plasmids from BioShock
Chosen by Nathan from Hurricane thought process
“The item I have chosen to bring into the real world would be the plasmids from BioShock. Not only would they make life a bit more fun, they would also have their uses. Just think about the fire and telekinesis powers, along with the swarm or bees! And as for the side-effects of going insane, well I think I’m already halfway there.”
“I think it’s kind of heartening that, while Ratchet spends a lot of his time shooting aliens with a variety of shotguns, laser beams, flamethrowers, missiles, plasma whips, and, uh, beams that turn people into ducks or sheep, one of the most powerful tricks up his sleeve is the power of dance.
“The Groovitron is a recurring gadget in the Ratchet & Clank series, and it’s basically a portable disco: engage the device, and it’ll shoot out a floating disco ball complete with party lights and funky beats. Every enemy in the area will just be compelled to get their groove on, including a lot of bosses, which leaves you totally free to wail on them until they explode in a shower of funk. The fact that the Groovitron works on almost any enemy in the series, and will give them a unique dancing animation to boot, makes it one of the single most useful bits of kit in Ratchet’s arsenal, proving that sometimes you’ve just gotta take a break from blowing stuff up and have a bit of a boogie.”
“If I were to choose one video game item to use in real life, it would probably have to be Link’s hang-glider from Breath of the Wild. I’ve always liked the idea of being able to fly, and jumping off of things and gliding is a very close second to this concept. Yes, I know there are real hang gliders that I can learn how to operate. However, based on video game logic, Link’s glider seems to collapse instantly into a pocket-sized item, and it pops open equally quickly. You can’t exactly make a quick escape out of a tall building and pull out a real-world hang glider to save your life mid fall!
“I would understand, however, if the powers-that-be wouldn’t grant me the glider due to popular demand. My second choice would have to be the pocket tool from the LittleBigPlanet games. Imagine having a closet in your pocket all the time? Sudden wardrobe changes for breakout musical numbers would never be a problem again. This tool also offers environment-enhancing decorations that would allow me to do any number of things, from beautifying my surroundings with baubles and stickers (hey, it’s not vandalism!) to manipulating the landscape to my advantage (I’d have a pop-up hiding place anywhere I went! And fences would no longer be an obstacle).”
“I choose the Dubstep Gun from Saints Row IV. It allows you to defeat your enemies with the power of dubstep. It’s a really funny and cool weapon and even though you are just shooting music at people, it’s incredibly powerful.
“I chose the Pip-Boy. The main reason is that with smartphones and wearable sensors today, it seems more likely than ever to have a device that monitors your vitals, can tell how you’re injured, and how much XP you’ve collected (based on age and other metrics like your job, marital status, etc).
I’d love to have the added functionality of managing my inventory: I’d like to know how I’m doing with groceries before having to reorder (or, you know, go scavenge at the local supermarket). Most of all, I’d love to be able to keep track of all places I’ve visited, see places nearby that may be interesting to visit, and of course FAST TRAVEL!!”
“They say you should never have regrets in life but we all have at least one. Whether it’s that time you called your teacher ‘mum’ in school in front of your friends, texted the worst possible message to the wrong person or walked out of the ladies with your skirt caught in your knickers, we all have an experience we look back on and feel embarrassed. You don’t have to worry about that any more however with your very own portable save point!
“Go back in time and correct those mistakes using this handy tool. A save point would allow you to record a ‘version’ of your life so if an event didn’t work out in quite the way you wanted it to, you could return to the past and make whatever corrections you needed to. And if there was a particularly awesome day you wanted to relive, you could experience it all over and over again providing you don’t save over your previous file. It’s like time-travel but without the messy space-time-continuum thing.”
So there you have it. I think we can all agree that there are some excellent items here, none of which could possibly cause any kind of accident or harm to life in the real world… ahem. Which video game object would you pick for yourself?
Video game lover, Later Levels blogger and SpecialEffect volunteer. Big fan of wannabe pirates and fine leather jackets.