Last month I was challenged by Matt from Normal Happenings to write a Daily Inkling post. The nominated subject was bad ventures: business ideas dreamt up as a child which seemed brilliant when young, but are now clearly terrible when viewed through by adult eyes. Unfortunately I can’t recall any such brainwaves but I do remember a certain career aspiration which could have been disastrous for everyone involved.
You see, I’m not sure what inspired it but I’d wanted to be a nurse when I was about eight-years old. A noble profession yet one which I would have been so bad at. I’m an absolute wimp: I’ve passed out while watching a friend give blood; fainted during a first-aid course when the instructor told the class fractured pelvises; and didn’t get my ears pierced until my early 30s because I really don’t like needles. I think it’s safer for everybody if I stay away from hospitals and patients.
Thankfully things turned out ok and I ended up making a much more suitable career choice when I was older. Unfortunately for certain video games however, they weren’t so lucky. Following on from a post back in June 2017 and in honour of the Daily Inkling series (to put a gaming twist on things!), here’s an article dedicated to Matt about some of the worst jobs in gaming.
Some who visit the attractions in RollerCoaster Tycoon just can’t handle the excitement and intensity of the rides. Their lunch ends up being thrown all over the park as a result – along with burger wrappers and popped balloons so carelessly discarded along paths – and it’s the Janitor’s responsibility to clean up all that mess. You might get a payrise if you seem unhappy, but job security isn’t great and you can be replaced at the click of a button. If only the guests had stronger stomachs and better manners.
Many bloggers view their hobby as a potential route to achieving their dream of becoming a professional writer but after seeing what happens to a best-selling novelist in Alan Wake, they may sensibly opt for an alternative career path. When you realise that events from the plot in your latest book (one you don’t remember writing, may I add) are happening in real life, your wife is mysteriously missing and shadowy figures are trying to kill you, it’s definitely time to consider changing to different profession.
Travelling to exotic locations all around the world and hunting for valuable relics in the Uncharted series may sound like the perfect job to those who crave excitement. But there’s just one thing standing in the way of you and career-happiness: pirates. They’re everywhere you go, hiding behind crates with their guns and busting into the scene in armoured tanks, and you just can’t seem to get rid of them all. A stable office job may seem boring on comparison but at least the only thing you’ll get shot at with is a stapler.
A lot of employees don’t think of their boss too highly. But when yours is an increasingly- malicious artificial intelligence with murderous tendencies who always promises cake and then cruelly snatches that possibility away, you know you’re going to have a bad day at the office. Sure, getting to mess around with a Portal gun all day sounds like fun; but when it comes to career satisfaction, finding a job with a manager who doesn’t want to kill you on a daily basis could be more fulfilling.
Many people are animal lovers who dream of working with creatures, perhaps at a zoo or vetinary centre. But a job where it’s your responsibility to deal with some seriously p****d-off dragons is a whole different ball-game. Forget unhappy pets and minor scratches – in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim you’re looking at being stomped to death, painfully set on fire or eaten alive by flying lizards. You’re better off re-training and accepting a junior position on an entirely different career path.
I’m not sure which is worse: taking on one of the careers above or the thought of me being a nurse. Tell us in the comments below about any bad business ideas you had as a kid, or video game characters who should have thought more wisely about their profession choice!
Video game lover, Later Levels blogger and SpecialEffect volunteer. Big fan of wannabe pirates and fine leather jackets.